Conscious Communication For Emotional Intelligence, Self Love, Emotional Regulation & Relationships

We frequently fall prey to unconscious emotional tendencies. We may have learned primitive love skills from seeing our parents, siblings, and caregivers, who may or may not have been capable of managing and expressing their emotions. As a result, the same patterns may replicate themselves from generation to generation... its time we break the cycles and the ancestral trauma!


We tend to model ourselves after our parents as a result of our childhood dependence on them. If your parents, like so many others, were emotional novices, you've probably had trouble meeting your love demands as an adult. Having an intellectual understanding of why you are nervous or sad may not convert into feeling better, despite the fact that many spend countless hours in therapy and counseling trying to figure out why they are who they are.

You can learn to understand and express your feelings in healthier ways by being more aware of the principles and patterns that drive emotional responses, so extending your sense of self and your repertoire of responses. Wholeness, freedom, and more nourishing relationships are the results of this work.


Emotions are physical feelings that are linked to mental thoughts. They are a necessary part of the human experience. The priorities and decisions you make from moment to moment are determined by how you identify yourself, what you think, and ultimately how you feel. Your decisions strengthen your perceptions of yourself and others, while your emotions signal when your sense of self is being challenged or reinforced.

Some people's identity and self-image are inextricably linked to their physical appearance. Working out at the gym, having the most fashionable hairstyle, wearing the most fashionable attire, and following what they believe is the greatest diet may be their top priority. Any perceived threat to their physical identity (for example, someone criticising their appearance) causes them to feel uneasy.

Others may identify themselves largely by their work title, position, or profession. Their concentration is on achieving the objectives they have set for themselves. Their body-mind system causes emotions of anguish when they detect a threat to their role, such as the possibility of losing a job, getting passed over for a promotion, or losing a case. Others define themselves primarily by their set of beliefs. When their essential beliefs appear to be under attack, they become agitated (for instance, if someone disparages their religion or political views).

When you see the need to protect your sense of self, you can and do modify your primary sense of identity at any time and throughout your life, mobilising emotional and physical responses.

What you decide is 'yours' (e.g., your diet, your style, your political position, your personal beliefs) affects what you feel you need to defend. Threats that push your identity boundaries generate sensations that draw your attention. Your emotions or feelings are these sensations.

Emotions are the messages your body gives to your mind through your self-identity boundaries. Nerve fibres convey you a message of comfort (a loving caress) or discomfort when something or someone makes touch with your skin, which is the border of your physical self (stepping on a tack).

As your emotional boundaries are approached, you experience signals of comfort (someone complements you) or discomfort (someone criticises you) (someone criticises you). A signal of comfort pushes you to come closer to the source of stimulation, whereas a signal of discomfort encourages you to go away. These emotional polarities can be expressed in a variety of ways:

Comfort v.s Discomfort





Whether you realise it or not, every decision you make is predicated on the anticipation that it will bring you more comfort, or at the very least less discomfort. And it's usually based on previous experiences, memories, or beliefs.

This holds true whether you're selecting a partner, a job, or even a toothbrush brand. You may be even willing to put up with short-term suffering in the hopes of a longer-term benefit.

In the end, all of our decisions are motivated by the desire for more comfort, pleasure, or happiness.


Although we are all motivated by the pleasure/pain principle, what causes comfort or discomfort differs from person to person. Some love going to the gym because the discomfort of not going is greater.

This is a great way to 'mind-hack' your brain. If you're feeling unmotivated really imagine yourself feeling amazing after finishing the project or energized after the workout.

We must first ask ourselves a vital question in order to begin bringing our unconscious emotional patterns into our awareness:

What factors influence whether I view an experience as pleasant or unpleasant?

"Prior experiences" is almost certainly going to be the first response. Of course, our responses are influenced by our past experiences.

For example, let's say you had a really close childhood friend who was French, you might be accustomed to assuming that French people are nice. Subconsiously, you might even be more drawn to French people. Or, let's say you had a very nasty piano teacher you might be conditioned to think that all piano teachers are nasty.

While our prior experiences shape our current perceptions, we don't have to be constrained by conditioning or emotional Pavlovian dogs. We have the ability to think outside of our typical thought patterns and make fresh life-sustaining decisions.


Here's the issue again: what factors influence whether we perceive an experience as pleasant or unpleasant?

If our prior experiences do not tell the whole story, we must look to the present, which requires us to pay attention to our bodies. Remember that emotions are bodily experiences linked to mental thoughts. Our sentiments of comfort or discomfort are primordial from the standpoint of our bodies.

We experience comfort, contentment, and enjoyment when our needs are addressed.

We experience anguish, misery, and pain when our needs are not met.

Needs are the source of all emotions.

Repeat this line to yourself as if it were a chant until you understand how very simple this idea is. When you do, you'll have a powerful healing tool in your hands: the ability to care for your emotional well-being.


We can observe these core emotional principles in action by watching young children. When a child wants to be held by his mother, being picked up makes him happy; not being held makes him sad. On the other hand, when the child wants to play with his friends, being held makes him miserable, whereas running free brings him pleasure. Emotions derive from needs. When our needs are being met, we feel comfortable. When they are not, we feel uncomfortable.

If you can accept that needs determine emotions, you are ready for the next step: recognizing and communicating your needs more consciously.

Experiencing greater emotional well-being flows from mastering the ability to clearly communicate what you want in life. This is a learned response. If you are not currently adept in this area, it is because you learned from people who were not proficient. Now is the time to learn that skill.

If you need help mastering your emotions, finding out how you can meet your own needs, feel motivated, energized, consciously communicating with yourself and the universe... join my waiting list here.

Sending feelings of comfort you way,

Anya x

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